I went to a rant and rave forum and was going to post, but after reading what others had already posted...
lol I decided not to. I'll just type my response here, cus you'll read this when you wake up.
I'm not sure what to say now that I got to this point. After reading the previous posts, all that angst that I wanted to let out seems to be insignificant. I feel like everything I wanted to say has already been said.
There's so much anger here, and for some reason, seeing that and understanding it... It knocked me right out of my rage. All the hurt and sorrow, the lost and confused, I know it. And it fills me with a deeper sadness than what I was feeling before I came to this forum.
Why do we do this to ourselves? We're humans aren't we? We're all the same species. We know what pain is, the majority of us want to avoid it, yet why do we knowingly inflict that on others, even though we, ourselves, don't wish for it.
I don't understand. I really don't. I thought I knew all the answers to what I was thinking, my emotions, my path that my decision has decided to lead me on. But after seeing myself through you other people, I honestly don't know anymore. I wanted to rant and rave about the injustice that "love" has dealt me, but seeing how that would have come out as, it makes me a little sick. I disgust myself.
After spewing out nonsense like how I hate the weak and cowardly, I find myself looking at a mirror. What am I doing? How long will I wallow in my own self pity? Will I always keep myself down because of one ass hat? Am I really going to let him WIN? Is he going to have the satisfaction of knowing that he's broken me, taken everything that I am, and left me barely breathing on the floor?
No! HELL NO!
I'm stronger than that. I know, because unlike him, I won't puss out like a little BITCH when it's crunch time. I know my own strength. I know what I'm capable of. I know because I've seen myself do it. I'm still here aren't I? I haven't succumbed yet, no matter how low I've fallen. I'm still fucking crawling even if it's inch by inch. And you know what? I'm grateful to him. Because that stupid saying was right after all. "What doesn't kill you, DOES make you stronger." And hell, I was pretty damn close to dying.
So thanks a bunch ass hat. For lots of things. But most of all, for making me a stronger person.
