In my solitude, you haunt me...

It’s three in the morning,

And I’m lying in bed,

Staring at the ceiling,

Memories running through my head.

Thinking of you,

And all the good times we’ve had,

Wondering what you’re doing,

Are you happy? Are you sad?

What would you say,

What would you do,

If I suddenly cry out,

That I still love you.

Because One Liners Are All That's Necessary Sometimes

"Well, isn't that nice? Just twist the knife in deeper why don't you?"

Hell is there for a reason

If just saying sorry was enough, there wouldn't be a need for hell.

I read an analogy once that really puts that into perspective.

"Break a plate. Say you're sorry. Did it fix the plate? No, it didn't."

Apologies are easy to say, readily available to hand out as you please.

But hell is there for a reason.

If an apology is all it takes....

Why am I still stuck here?

"Just get a new plate." They say.

As if that solves every single problem.

Break something, buy a new one.

I guess we live in that age now,

where sentimentality nor empathy exist anymore.

True, I should have no need for either now.

So buy a new plate.

This time, take better care of it.

Hide it away so no one can break it ever again.

Better yet, don't buy a new one at all.

If you don't have one, then it can't get broken, right?

Sometimes simplicity is best.

Welcome to the new world bitches.

Do you think crying will immediately get someone to help you?

Don't be so naive.

We live in the real world.

Everything and anything gets broken so easily.

So what are you going to do when your plate gets broken?

Just remember that "I'm sorry" doesn't fix the damn thing.

And that hell exists for a reason.

Happy endings exist only in fiction

It's a bit contradictory

 that I dislike bad endings 

in the stories I read, 

yet I equally dislike 

happy endings 

at the same time.

Happy Endings.

It annoys me.

"And the princess lived happily ever after..."

No.

 No she doesn't.

Not all the time.

Sometimes the prince is an asshat who,

after getting bored once the fairy dust wears off,

decides to discard her

and move along

to the next

conquest.

Does it sound like I'm bitter?

Is that it then.

Am I just a bitter apple?

Nice and shiny and fresh,

but after taking a bite,

tossing it aside

cus you're 

bored

of

the

flavor?

Prince Asshat

I know 

exactly

 where you can shove

that self righteous

excuse.

And while you're trying 

to extract it,

I'll be over here,

Making my own 

ending.

And I'll be

 happy 

with

 it.

What the frack is this...

Seriously. 

What. The. FRACK.

I always knew that there was something wrong with me, 

but this just takes the cake. 

Why do I keep doing this to myself. 

I told myself to stop this shit. 

And yet here I've done it again. 

Am I masochistic? 

Do I enjoy hurting myself over and over again? 

Maybe I do. 

I mean, I keep doing this to myself.

There's no other possible conclusion.

No matter how happy I am,

it's just never meant to be it feels like.

I think I might have done something,

unforgivable,

in my past life,

to deserve

this.

What do I do now?

Because I Needed This

I went to a rant and rave forum and was going to post, but after reading what others had already posted...
lol I decided not to. I'll just type my response here, cus you'll read this when you wake up.




I'm not sure what to say now that I got to this point. After reading the previous posts, all that angst that I wanted to let out seems to be insignificant. I feel like everything I wanted to say has already been said.

There's so much anger here, and for some reason, seeing that and understanding it... It knocked me right out of my rage. All the hurt and sorrow, the lost and confused, I know it. And it fills me with a deeper sadness than what I was feeling before I came to this forum.

Why do we do this to ourselves? We're humans aren't we? We're all the same species. We know what pain is, the majority of us want to avoid it, yet why do we knowingly inflict that on others, even though we, ourselves, don't wish for it.

I don't understand. I really don't. I thought I knew all the answers to what I was thinking, my emotions, my path that my decision has decided to lead me on. But after seeing myself through you other people, I honestly don't know anymore. I wanted to rant and rave about the injustice that "love" has dealt me, but seeing how that would have come out as, it makes me a little sick. I disgust myself.

After spewing out nonsense like how I hate the weak and cowardly, I find myself looking at a mirror. What am I doing? How long will I wallow in my own self pity? Will I always keep myself down because of one ass hat? Am I really going to let him WIN? Is he going to have the satisfaction of knowing that he's broken me, taken everything that I am, and left  me barely breathing on the floor?

No! HELL NO! 

I'm stronger than that. I know, because unlike him, I won't puss out like a little BITCH when it's crunch time. I know my own strength. I know what I'm capable of. I know because I've seen myself do it. I'm still here aren't I? I haven't succumbed yet, no matter how low I've fallen. I'm still fucking crawling even if it's inch by inch. And you know what? I'm grateful to him. Because that stupid saying was right after all. "What doesn't kill you, DOES make you stronger." And hell, I was pretty damn close to dying.

So thanks a bunch ass hat. For lots of things. But most of all, for making me a stronger person.